This has been a tough week. I've been feeling discouraged with... well, nearly everything.
I'm discouraged with the world because it's so sinful and that hurts my heart. I know Jesus has already won the battle against evil, but it's hard to feel hopeful when looking around at death, destruction, and atrocity. I feel sad, and when I feel sad, I often turn to entertainment to take my mind away from reality, only...
I'm feeling disillusioned with entertainment because it's a poor substitute for a relationship with God. Entertainment is like sugar. It meets our needs while we're partaking in it, and maybe for a little while afterward, but then its effects wear off and we need some more. In my sadness, I suppose I've turned to food as well as entertainment. I haven't eaten any processed sugar, but I did have a pizza, which, though low in sugar, has high amounts of other unhealthy substances.
I'm discouraged with my writing, too. Sometimes, it's hard for me to read other writer's blogs because everyone else is accomplishing things or writing helpful posts about what they've learned through their accomplishments that week. And I'm sitting here with no accomplishments and no advice. It makes me wonder... am I disciplined enough to be an author? There is no doubt in my mind that I am a writer (for a writer does not only write fiction, but also writes various types of nonfiction), but am I an author? Will I ever be an author? I don't know. People ask me what my plans are for the fantasy book that I've been working on for two years and I don't know. Maybe I'll self-publish it. Maybe I'll try to get a small, independent publishing company interested. I don't know.
It's discouraging to be a writer, too, because it seems as though every idea has already been written, and when I do come up with an original idea, I don't think I'm skilled enough to write it the way it is in my head. Which is probably a self-confidence issue and I should stop whining and start writing... but it's so much easier to turn off my brain and watch someone else's creativity for a few hours.
And I wonder, if I'm not disciplined enough to off the entertainment and write or to practice music or read something instructional, how am I ever going to do well at college?
We're going away this week to visit family. I'm excited to leave ("Hey, that's the title of the blog post!" Anyone else watch Say Goodnight Kevin?). Maybe a change of scenery will do me good. I'm hoping to read lots and write lots on this trip, which shouldn't be hard considering the twenty-four hour road trip with no Internet connection (yay! That was a serious "yay," not a sarcastic "yay." I enjoy having no Internet because that gives me no excuses for my non-productivity).
What's the best and worst that happened to you this week?