Sunday, June 12, 2016

Excited to leave ~ The Sunday Night Report

This has been a tough week. I've been feeling discouraged with... well, nearly everything.
I'm discouraged with the world because it's so sinful and that hurts my heart. I know Jesus has already won the battle against evil, but it's hard to feel hopeful when looking around at death, destruction, and atrocity. I feel sad, and when I feel sad, I often turn to entertainment to take my mind away from reality, only...
I'm feeling disillusioned with entertainment because it's a poor substitute for a relationship with God. Entertainment is like sugar. It meets our needs while we're partaking in it, and maybe for a little while afterward, but then its effects wear off and we need some more. In my sadness, I suppose I've turned to food as well as entertainment. I haven't eaten any processed sugar, but I did have a pizza, which, though low in sugar, has high amounts of other unhealthy substances.
I'm discouraged with my writing, too. Sometimes, it's hard for me to read other writer's blogs because everyone else is accomplishing things or writing helpful posts about what they've learned through their accomplishments that week. And I'm sitting here with no accomplishments and no advice. It makes me wonder... am I disciplined enough to be an author? There is no doubt in my mind that I am a writer (for a writer does not only write fiction, but also writes various types of nonfiction), but am I an author? Will I ever be an author? I don't know. People ask me what my plans are for the fantasy book that I've been working on for two years and I don't know. Maybe I'll self-publish it. Maybe I'll try to get a small, independent publishing company interested. I don't know.
It's discouraging to be a writer, too, because it seems as though every idea has already been written, and when I do come up with an original idea, I don't think I'm skilled enough to write it the way it is in my head. Which is probably a self-confidence issue and I should stop whining and start writing... but it's so much easier to turn off my brain and watch someone else's creativity for a few hours.
And I wonder, if I'm not disciplined enough to off the entertainment and write or to practice music or read something instructional, how am I ever going to do well at college?

We're going away this week to visit family. I'm excited to leave ("Hey, that's the title of the blog post!" Anyone else watch Say Goodnight Kevin?). Maybe a change of scenery will do me good. I'm hoping to read lots and write lots on this trip, which shouldn't be hard considering the twenty-four hour road trip with no Internet connection (yay! That was a serious "yay," not a sarcastic "yay." I enjoy having no Internet because that gives me no excuses for my non-productivity).

What's the best and worst that happened to you this week?


  1. Sweet Abbey, I appreciate your honesty and enjoy hearing your thoughts and about your life. Seriously thinking about popping the tires on your car when it's time for you to leave for college. Guess I'll work more diligently staying up on your life here! As for all of these real struggles, this is all that comes to mind...One day at a time..."fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith." As long as we set our eyes Him, and make it our goal to serve and walk with Him, you can be confident He will work in you and through you. And I know He has planted this love for writing in you and will use it! We missed you this morning!

    1. But remember, I am a master at changing car tires, hee hee. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. They mean a lot to me. :)
      (P.S. I hope EJ is feeling better!)

  2. I can relate to what you are saying here. It's like Pinocchio wondering if he will ever be a real boy. I've struggled with the same doubts and heartaches. The longings- for a better world, for creating that magical story- seem so far away. But there was a time you wondered if you could ever finish the novel, wasn't there? And a time before that when you wondered about even putting together an outline or the first few words. And yet the book and all that went before it did get finished. All the work up to this point has not been in vain.

    Oh, how I would love to have been able to say I had written a book before going off to college. Having graduated from college myself (and grad school to boot) I can safely say that the amount of work that goes into earning a degree is a pittance when compared with what is required to earn a degree. Read a few books, write a few 5 page papers (yes, 5 page papers! Ha! A laughable amount of work! Us writers do that while falling out of bed in the morning!) maybe give a presentation or two. It's really not as hard as it may sound. For me, that hardest part of college was what happened outside of class- the fact that, as you said, people can be mean and cruel and sometimes that is even the person looking back at you in the mirror.

    So keep writing! Keep reading! You've got your whole life ahead of you. And don't discount the work you've already done. Not many entering freshmen have a novel riding around in their back pocket. And remember that, whatever you do, reading, writing, just being a friend or a daughter, do it all for the glory of God. If you do that, you'll never want for motivation ever again.

    1. Thank you for the perspective and the encouragement, DJ! And you're right: glorifying God should be my ultimate motivation. More often than I'd like, He is not, but I am a work in progress, and He is the ultimate sculptor.