Thousands of people stand in the middle of the road. Gates repel them back from a red carpet where men, women, dragons, wizards, cats, hobbits, marsh-wiggles, bird-like creatures, lions, tigers, bears (oh my!), and more walk lackadaisically toward a stadium. They walk lackadaisically because, at the beginning of the red carpet, both man and beast must stop for press pictures in front of a white canvas that says SILMARILLION AWARDS 2017 in big, green letters. Further along the red carpet, they must stop for interviews with television stations, Youtube channels, and famous bloggers.
One blogger, gorgeous in a black gown which hides the heels she wore specifically to turn herself from a 5'2" hobgoblin into a 5'4" princess, stops a man so tall that her heels are pointless.
"Hello, Aragorn!" says the blogger, with a smile that says she has worked in customer service.
"Hello," replies the tall man.
"Are you enjoying the red carpet tonight? Now, be honest."
"As a king, I have had to attend many events," says Aragorn. "I enjoy meeting with old friends and making new ones, but, I must admit, I prefer walking in the woods with my wife to walking down the red carpet."
"And where is Queen Arwen tonight?
"Eldarion—our son—has a cold, so she stayed home with him tonight."
"I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure all of us here on the red carpet wish your son the speediest recovery! Now, Aragorn, there is a rumor running rampant that you will be presenting the Silmaril for Most Epic Hero for the second year in a row. Can you confirm this rumor?"
Aragorn smiles mischievously. "You will just have to wait and see."
The audience applauds uproariously for each award presented: the Silmaril for the Wisest Counselor! for the Least Competent Henchmen! for the character with the Silver-est Tongue!
Now, the time has come to award the Silmaril for Most Epic Hero. A tall man walks onto the stage. He carries himself regally, which only makes him look taller. He wears a sword at his side and a crown on his head. The audience cheers when they see him.
"Hello," he says. "My name is Aragorn. I am honored to be here at the Silmarillion Awards for the second year in a row to award the Silmaril for Most Epic Hero.
"There are many types of heroes. Some, like my good friend Frodo Baggins, choose to do the heroic thing—even though the task is usually a difficult one, such as going on a long and dangerous journey to destroy a powerful object. Others, like dearly departed Boromir, are born into heroic roles as princes, princesses, or people of power.
"Many worthy heroes who fit both of these descriptions were nominated for this Silmaril. Five prevailed as the most heroic.
"In fifth place, we have Janner Igiby from The Wingfeather Saga."
The audience applauds for Janner. In the front row, he smiles graciously.
"In fourth place," continues Aragorn, "is Artham Wingfeather from The Wingfeather Saga."
Artham turns to Janner and shrugs, a smile on his face.
"Carswell Thorne from The Lunar Chronicles has come in third," says Aragorn.
Carswell looks down, disappointed. Then, he decides to make the best of the situation. He turns to the small woman next to him and kisses her. The audience interrupts their own clapping to say, "awwww!"
"In second place is Westley from The Princess Bride," announces Aragorn.
Westley stands up, bows, and sits down again.
"And the winner of this year's Silmaril for Most Epic Hero..." Aragorn pauses for dramatic effect. "Peter Pevensie!"
The audience cheers, whistles, whoops, and screams. A young man stands up from the front row and races onstage.
"Congratulations," says Aragorn. Smiling, he hands the young man his Silmaril.
"Thank you!" says Peter. "I did not expect to win such a great award! I would like to thank my parents for teaching me the difference between right and wrong, and I would like to thank Aslan for teaching me how to put the principle of right into action. Also, hullo to Susan, Edmund, and Lucy!" Peter waves to his siblings in the audience. A little girl in the second row stands up and waves back enthusiastically. Peter shakes Aragorn's hand and they leave the stage together.
The presenter for the Strangest Character Silmaril enters...
"Wow! I can't believe he won!" the blogger with the heels says to a man standing next to her. "I thought for sure Westley would have won! He got second last year, too, y'know."
"Yes, I remember," replies the man as he fingers his beard. He is one of the few men in the stadium wearing a hat. And a very funny hat, too. It has a red feather stuck in it, and it's completely green. Actually, the man is dressed completely green, and he carries a bow and arrow. They are not for show.
"Anyway, I'm glad that Peter won. He deserved to win. And Robin Hood deserved to win last year. Both Peter and Robin Hood are very heroic, don't you think?"
The green-clad man smirks. "Oh, yes, very heroic," he agrees.
If this were a movie, the green-clad man would look directly into the camera and wink, but it is not a movie, and the oblivious blogger begins to walk away. She nearly trips on the hem of her dress as she goes, and the man in all green grins after her. He turns his attention back to the Award ceremony.
Thank you for joining us for this year's Silmarillion Awards! And join the Silmarillion Awards crew on July 29th when everyone is invited to post on their own blog about fantasy and J.R.R. Tolkien!